Kegels make her ears move

There is a girl in my Wed night Stripper Strength class who I adore. She has a great energy that lights up the room. She said something the other day that nearly made me fall out of my chair it was so funny.

We do Kegels in class. I mean, why not tone alll your muscles right? So there we are doing them and she said "Oh, they make my ears move!"

"What?"

The music is loud and she has an accent so I wasn't sure what she said.

"They make my ears move!"

Maybe it is just me, but that's the funniest shit I've ever heard.

US Air Force test

Here is a little something to keep you busy. The object of the game is to move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls.
If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. It's been said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. (I don't know if there is any truth in that.) They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes.

I get to about 15 seconds or so... there is a pattern..you just have to learn it.

http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html

Done...

So I just did it. I took the ole' profile down off of Match.com. At the end of April I got one of those results from your saved searches email that they send out. And there he was, this super cutie (oh, this is #4 by the way http://www.stripxpertease.com/2008/05/i-countedover-150.html )...but, I was a little older than what he was looking for ....by about 4 yrs.

Eh, fuck it I said. And I sent the wink. And apparently he almost didn't respond back because I was ...oh boy...too old.

It doesn't seem to be an issue now. Since we met we have spent a LOT of time together. And I adore him. However, I still get emails from guys all the time. So I decided to just remove my profile. One: because it's kinda unfair. It's unfair for anyone I think to leave a profile on match when you are not interested in using the site. Also, as I just said, for now, I am not interested in using the site. I am really into this guy. Hmmm. He needs a name I guess. We'll call him Mr. Weiss (That will make Puck and Big D laugh anyhow).

Yep, I'm content with Mr. Weiss. And I hope he is content with me.

StripXpertease Striptease Songs...best of '07

Ok...so these are some of the favorites from our lists of 2007. As usual the complete (kinda) list is below.

After All 4:51 Delerium
Always In My Head 3:26 Psapp
Anonymous 4:55 Bobby V Special Occasion
Back To Black 4:03 Amy Winehouse Back To Black
Bad Girl 5:23 Madonna Erotica
Bette Davis Eyes 3:50 Kim Carnes Mistaken Identity
Black Cherry 4:56 Goldfrapp Black Cherry-ADVANCE
Bounce 4:04 Timbaland Shock Value
Breathe On Me 3:47 Britney Spears
Brown Skin 5:35 India Arie Acoustic
buttons 3:46 The Pussycat Dolls PCD
Chocolate 5:01 Kylie Minogue Body Language
Closer 4:05 Floetry Flo'Ology (Advance)
Closer To My Dreams 4:45 Goapele Even Closer
Colour Me 4:32 Dot Allison Afterglow
Come Here Boy 3:58 Imogen Heap I Megaphone
Come Undone 4:35 Duran Duran
Creep 4:29 TLC CrazySexyCool
Dangerously In Love 5:06 Destiny's Child Survivor
Deeper 4:20 Balligomingo
diamonds 4:33 Fabolous
Disco Science 3:32 Mirwais Snatch - Soundtrack
Enchantment 3:58 Corrine Bailey Rae
Every breath you take 4:13 The Police
Everybody Here Wants You 4:44 Jeff Buckley Sketches For My Sweetheart The
father figure 5:41 George micheal
Forever Love 3:14 Anna Nalick
Giving Something He Can Feel 3:58 EnVogue Funky Divas
Glory Box 5:06 Portishead Dummy
Hear Me Out 4:19 Frou Frou Details
HEY JOE 3:22 JIMMY HENDRIX
I'll Be Dreaming 4:58 The Pierces The Pierces
I Need A Boss 3:50 Shareefa
In The Waiting Line 4:32 Zero 7 Garden State Soundtrack
is this real 4:56 Lisa hall Practical Magic Soundtrack
It's A Fire 3:49 Portishead Dummy
It Could Be Sweet 4:20 Portishead Dummy
Jamie's Got A Gun 5:29 Aerosmith
Jungle Fever 4:20 The Chakachas Boogie Nights
Let's Get Blown 4:39 Snoop Dogg Snoop_Dogg_R&G_Rhythm_and_Gang
Let It Go 5:16 Keyshia Cole http://kevipodmusic.blogspot.com/
luxurious 4:24 Gwen Stefani zone 4 remix
Man In The Box 4:47 Alice In Chains
Maneater 4:33 Hall And Oats
Me and You 3:12 Cassie
No Ordinary Love 7:20 Sade
Numb 4:00 Portishead Dummy
Numb 4:40 Sia Colour The Small One
Only You 5:02 Portishead
protection 7:51 Massive Attack
Quicksand 2:13 Incubus Light Grenades
Rain 5:25 Madonna
Ride A White Horse 4:32 Goldfrapp Supernature
Romantic 6:00 Goapele Closer
Say It Right 3:43 Nelly Furtado Loose
Say Yes 4:28 Floetry Floetic
Sexy Boy 4:58 Air
So Into You 4:34 Ashanti Street Dreams
Sunday Morning 5:09 Lily Allen
T Shirt & My Panties 4:50 Adina Howard Woo Soundtrack
Teardrop 5:25 Massive attack
This Is Why I'm Hot 4:15 M.I.M.S. M.I.M.S. (Music Is My Savior)
What's It Gonna Be 5:24 Busta Rhymes E.L.E. The Final World Front
What Goes Around 7:29 Justin Timberlake
what it feels like for a girl 4:48 Madonna
Whatever u Like 3:55 Nicole Scherzinger shai_55
White Rabbit 2:32 Jefferson Airplane
you're gettin in the way 3:57 Jill Scott
your love is one in a milion 4:32 Aaliyah
2 Wicky 4:44 Hooverphonic

I want to make love to Dave Gahan's voice

A Little Lie is stuck in my head and I can't stop listening to it on my iTunes. I don't want to make love to him....just his voice. It reminds me of my youth. That time where I was experimenting with the crossover between adolescence and adulthood, or the idea of it. It just takes me back to this place. And I just want to devour it.

Lovin' in the rain

What is it about this act that is so scrumptious? Is it because it reminds us of all those movie scenes we've watched? In the movies it is so perfect, with the lighting and the beautiful actors. And in real life...well, it gets pretty damn close.

I remember my first rain experience. Back in Austin, standing up, leaning against the rail, making love on my balcony in the rain, naked bodies, wet warm Texas rain, Prince's Purple Rain album playing in the background (so fitting). It was probably 4 in the morning. We could have easily been seen by neighbors, but it wasn't even a momentary concern. It was hot as blazes earlier that day so there wasn't even a hint of chill in the air. The rain wasn't very heavy and the sky was bright. It must have been a full moon or pretty close to it. I was totally in love and it was nothing short of amazing. But that was years ago.

However, I recently had a pretty amazing kiss in the rain. Here in NYC, we've been having a lot of heavy rain. It reminds me of Texas rain. It's warm and it comes down in these larger than life drops. This kiss was short and sweet, but perfect. I wish it would have lasted longer, like one of those back-alley-leaned-up-against-a-wall kinda kisses that goes on way longer than it should.

There were three of us. We were running...hell, we had been running in this downpour for at least a good 5 minutes it seemed. Laughing and screeching like children. The rain was heavy and we were completely soaked. My hair was as wet as it is straight from the shower. My flip flops slushed around on my feet. My shorts clung to my legs. Even my bra was soaked through. We stopped at a corner to wait for our friend who had fallen behind (it's really hard to run in wet flip flops). The brain said keep running, but we had to wait. What else was there to do?...he pulled me in and kissed me. And I so didn't want it to stop.

There is something about the taste of rain on lips, something about the feel of a lover's hand on your back as it presses your wet clothes against your skin. Something about the smell in the air, the darkness of the sky, the noise of the rain falling on your shoulders, the hair sticking to your face. The slippery feel of skin against skin. The knowing that you shouldn't be outside in this, but here you are, with not a care, acting as if the world has stopped around you.

Whatever it is, it's fantastic and delicious. And I hope it happens again soon.

Old school Corey

I recently came across these old pics. This guy, Merlin took them when I was dancing at the Crazy Lady. I took them for my boyfriend at the time so I can't post the racier ones...but here are a few. My blog pic is also from this shoot.

I wasn't even 21 yet yet. :) But this was just juice. Although I was drinking at work already.That was one of my favorite dresses to wear at work. And I almost always wore some sort of choker around my neck.

Look at how high I am wearing these hot pants!! Funny...keep in mind this was like the mid-nineties...

Again....check the high waist! You can't see the top here, but it had red patent leather flames on top of black mesh. There was a matching thong as well. My dog Zoe destroyed the bottoms and some sleazy customer stole the top. :(

I f'in loved that outfit.

StripXpertease songs to strip to Spring '08

Here are a few songs from our most recent cd.
Keep in mind that damn iTunes doesn't publish all of the songs so the complete list is below . EnjoY!

Bittersweet Symphany 5:58 Verve pipe Cruel Intentions Soundtrack
sexy dancer 4:56 Unknown
club doom 6:15 Timo mas
Lost Without You 4:12 Robin Thicke Web Rip
All Mine 4:02 Portishead
Damaged 3:55 Plumb Brokendown Palace Soundtrack
Feelin Love 5:38 Paula cole
Beautiful 4:49 Goldfrapp Supernature
Strict Machine 3:51 Goldfrapp Black Cherry-ADVANCE
Tiptoe 5:10 Goldfrapp Black Cherry-ADVANCE
Train 4:11 Goldfrapp Black Cherry-ADVANCE
Close Up 4:22 Frou Frou HMV Rock Playlist
The Dumbing Down Of Love 4:42 Frou Frou Details
Don't Stop Now 5:45 Emmy Rossum Inside Out
Sex Packets 7:21 Digital Underground Sex Packets
Love Bites 5:43 Def Leppard
Why Don't We Fall in Love 2:47 Amerie
Freak Like Me 4:28 Adina Howard
rock the boat 4:37 Aaliyah 2

I kissed a girl...and Iiked it

So this is the new Katy Perry song. I love this song and use it in the workout class.

http://www.katyperry.com/main.html

When I first heard it, I was trying to remember the first time I kissed a girl. I think it was M., my high school friend and roomie. I think it was her, my boyfriend, and me, all a little blitzed and playing around. I was 18, young, anxious to open myself up to new experiences, eager to learn everything there was to learn in the world. I vaguely remember it. I do remember she had these small lips that were so soft and so perfectly round. And to this day I think that kiss will always stand out as being one of the best girl kisses.

Of course after that I kissed plenty of girls. It was a bit par for the course working in a strip club. And although I have labeled my self straight, I think women are sexy and I can definitely appreciate their beauty and their sexiness. If I am drawn to a woman, I might kiss her. But these days I doubt it would go any further than that. Funny thing about my past girl/girl kisses. I do remember some were better than others and being surprised at that. I thought all kisses received from my fellow females would be luscious and yummy....but, not so much. Some girls were forceful and hard. I have never really been one for hard kissing. I like them to be soft and lingering.

I do remember the last time I kissed a girl though. It's a pretty damn good story too, if I do say so myself. It's one of those stories that would be better if I was a guy, hanging with the guys at some sporting event retelling the details of this late night tryst.

It was at Hustler Club here in NY. I went to go have a dance or two with my roommate and best friend, who I'll call Big D (who is a guy btw). We arrive and get escorted to a table against the back wall. I am immediately approached by a lovely dark blonde gal. She sat on my lap and starts scratching my back and talking to me. She had her hustle on, which I hate because I know that game so well. But I suppose it is unavoidable. I had one dance, it was good, but nothing really spectacular. But...there was just something about her. And she had an accent, something Eastern European. It was hot.

I needed to use the bathroom, so I go to excuse myself, and she says in her broken accent, "No come with me, there is a bathroom just for us over here."

Score! No waiting in line for me! So I follow her down the back stairs to this dingy little bathroom with a small sink and two stalls. I quickly pee and come out to wash my hands. She is in the mirror fixing her hair. She stands aside, but instead of letting me wash my hands she twists me around and pushes my back against the sink. She puts her hands on my face and kisses me. And it was a good kiss...not hard or forceful. She was smooth and soft and passionate. For a second I thought holy cow, what the hell is going on? This is not me, making out with some girl in a bathroom at a strip club...not me anymore! But then I thought wait, now the tables are turned. I am not the dancer, I am not a fellow coworker, this is not a previous experience. This is new, this is just a moment between two women that had this spark, so in my head I said just roll with it Kimberly. And I did. We kissed for several minutes, hands roving, heavy breathing in between kisses. My whole body tingled.

We were interrupted by another dancer, which I was a bit grateful for. There was only so much I could take at that moment. She said she needed to get back to work and excused herself, flashing a smile back at me as she walked through he door. I shook my head, washed my hands, and headed back to my table. I told D. what had happened with such excitement that my eyes watered. His response....with a shrug and a nod he said "Eh..."

EH?!?!? Damn. It really takes a lot to impress him.

Well, I was impressed and I guess that's all that mattered. I wish I could remember her name...even if it wasn't her real name.

Escalators

OK. I have this pet peeve. One of many. I hate when someone gets on a escalator and just stops. Even worse when they make it impossible for you to walk by. I mean keep walking up or down for that matter! Escalators are just a lazy mans stairs. Lets keep walking folks. Especially when you have none in front of you. Drives me f'in nuts.

Maybe it's just me.

Funny Match.com stories

So someone sent this to me yesterday morning ....
From Match. Which of course lists shows your profile but not your name or email address.

Date received: June 11, 2008
Subject: i saw you in class
well, i peeked throught the doors at the old empire studios. i was taking argentine tango there. good luck...maybe you lucked out already...

Funny. Empire is where I used to teach the Stripper Strength class for the past 2 yrs before they closed down and shuffled us over to YSBD. I have run into friends on Match before. I am like a 100% percent match (this is based on the basic stuff you are looking for in a partner, ie: height, education, smoking habits, etc)with my roommate, who has also been my best friend for the past 11 yrs, so I send him winks and emails all the time... I'm sure it annoys him but I think it's funny as hell. I was also a 100% percent match with an old film buddy of mine.

Another lap dance article

So I found this on Askmen.com titled

7 Lap Dance Moves To Make You Melt. my comments in italics :)

Women's magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn't find elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren't privy to. How they read into our behavior, how they perceive our actions, what their true expectations are... there's plenty to be learned from a glimpse into the other side. AskMen.com will be providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence -- without the embarrassment that comes with retrieving it from your girlfriend's magazine rack. We'll be publishing a series of features from iVillage.com; articles originally written by women for women, but with insight that's invaluable to men. Of course, in exchange, we had to offer up some intelligence of our own... all the more reason for you to get on the inside track as soon as you can.

dirty dancing

You know what kind of dirty little dances your gal can do to turn you on, but explaining them to her is a different story. iVillage.com gives you seven sizzling lap dance moves with descriptions that are simple for her to try. So sit back, relax and let her do all the work for a change. ..heyyy

naughty moves

Want to make your guy go gaga? It's not just about what you do in bed that counts. Sure, great sex technique will make you a star in his eyes, but knowing how to tease him will make you a legend. Don't believe us? In The Little Bit Naughty Book of Lap Dancing for Your Lover, real-life exotic dancer Rebecca Drury spills the seven secret -- and really sexy -- steps that work on every guy, every time. You can thank us later.

1- The Grinding Circle
Stand about 60 centimeters (two feet) from your partner, with your feet slightly more than hip-width apart and your toes turned out. With your hips, begin to draw a circle, keeping your back arched. Now slowly bend your knees and grind down as far as is comfortable, then up again, continually undulating your hips and dancing erotically. It's really important to keep your back arched and upright. If you lean forward, you risk impersonating a sumo wrestler. eww, no! don't turn your toes out ick. keep your feet shoulder width apart or closer and lift one heel when you do this. much better.
2- The Turn
Lap dancing is about showing off all your assets, so remember to turn around occasionally. For the best effect, turn slowly -- your lover should barely notice. When you practice, work out which direction is most natural for you to turn in. And don't be overly concerned with how you do it; just take small steps and aim to make the turn blend into and become part of your dance. Keep circling your hips and remember your arm movements. As far as possible, try to keep your lover in your gaze as you turn. this is kind of lame, but yeah you do want to give front and back views.
3- The Slap and Tickle
Turn your back to your audience, and with straight legs, bend forward slightly, look back at him coquettishly, and stroke or lightly slap your bottom. I guarantee this will make him smile. Alternatively, still with your back to him, gently sway from your ankles, opening your legs gradually. Slowly bend over so that your bottom is brazenly pointing at your man. Bend one knee to the side and straighten the other out to the other side. Glide your hand up the straight leg and raise your head over the corresponding shoulder to look back at him. Slap your bottom hard. Repeat on the other side. we actually have a move like this called the thigh high. good stuff. they love the ass slap.
4- The Lap Dance Grind
Gracefully dance yourself into the triangle made by your lover's open legs, and stand with your back to him and your feet together. Make sure you're as close to the chair as possible. Now bend your knees, keeping your back straight, and gently put your hands on your partner's knees. Lower your bottom toward his lap so that you can just feel his crotch on your skin. Then, keeping your hands on his knees for support, grind down gently, moving your hips in a circular or forward-and-backward motion. Look over your shoulder at your man while you do this, if you can. This is a little tricky, though. Take extra care whenever you go near his groin. If you hurt him, he'll never trust you to dance for him again. yes, yes, the grind. but try to use the arms of the chair for support and try to sit up straight, and toss your hair a bit too.
5- The Breast Stroke
Every woman has her own personal scent that collects between her breasts, no matter what size they are or what perfume she wears. It's a potent aphrodisiac. So this step is guaranteed to get your lover going. Move closely into the space between his knees. Standing with your legs straight, gently lean forward and place your hands on either side of the chair. Once you have a firm hold, push your breasts toward his face; his nose should be nestled in your cleavage. For added effect, try brushing from side to side and stroking the end of his nose with your bra or nipple. Keep moving in a provocative way throughout. yes again, but put your hands on his shoulders or cradle his head in your hands or one of your hands
6- Knee Strokes
Facing your partner, stand between his legs, as close to the chair as you can. Place your knees in the space between his crotch and the edge of the chair. Gently put slight pressure against his groin with your knees. Lean toward him and blow gently into his ear or on his face. You could even exchange a mouthful of wine with him or pour champagne from your nipples into his mouth. hmmm that sounds a bit to strip club vip room to me..lol As a variation, try this: Stand up facing your lover, then catch one of his knees between your knees and gently rub up and down his thigh. i think this one looks terrible. but whatever. This is a fabulous sensation; ask him to do it to you sometime.
7- The Body Slide
Standing between your lover's thighs, lean forward and put your hands on the back of the chair for support. Put one knee on each of his thighs, then lift your torso, slide your knees into the space in front of his crotch (careful here!) and slide, slowly, all the way down his body until you're kneeling on the floor in front of him. To get up off the floor, use your lover's knees for support and stand up sexily -- bring your bottom up first, then flick your hair in his face as you raise your upper body. this move is waaaaay more complicated than they describe it here and def takes some practice. this is a move that girls struggle with in the beginning in my class. it's a great move, but don't try this at home on him without practicing on someone first. seriously.

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_150/169_dating_girl.html

I counted...over 150...

That's how many times I was contacted in just one month on Match.com. That's my profile pic by the way. This is why I was telling a recent girlfriend, you have to get on!!! Now, lady!! She is this amazing girl in this weird situation, which I can't really explain here. But she needs to find a man. Someone to appreciate her for who she is dammit!

So, how many did I respond to in that month, which was the 2nd to last month I had on Match(well, before they fucking auto renewed me)?
Two.
Yep. Well, in total, there were five guys I had correspondence with. Three that I had contacted first (I'm such a go-getter!) and two that contacted me first. I went out with 4 of them in that one month period (one of them stopped emailing me after a few exchanges...eh, who knows?).

So, here's how it played out..or how it's currently playing out...

• #1, who I contacted first, dropped me after 2 dates (I've briefly discussed him before... the second date got hot and heavy and he said he wanted to take it further but I wanted to wait. We had plans for Sunday and he never returned my calls. Nice.)



• I dropped #2, who again I contacted, after one date and many (waayyyy too many) IMs and phone calls. But to be fair, we made plans for a second date and he said he didn't realize we had made plans on the evening that we had plans, even though we had talked about it a few times before, turn off number one. Also, he was one of handful of musicians I reached out to in some masochistic effort to be driven away from match in disgust, semi-turn off number two. And he constantly analyzed our relationship, like really, a play by play thing, even though we had only been out once, yet another turn off. And he wanted to talk on the phone and IM all the time. I was looking for a relationship, not a pen pal. And as far as rescheduling a second date we couldn't even begin to get our schedules right. By the way he contacted me again, so to be fair I emailed him telling him I was seeing someone else and it wasn't gonna work. And I was very nice I might add. But I just got his very nasty response in email and in text. I am soooo biting my tongue on my description of him right now. Lord! We might have to save this for another entry.



• And #3, well, I liked him and we went out once. He contacted me. He had a crazy work schedule so it was hard to meet and not to long ago he asked me out again. I have to tell you ....and I regretted it as soon as I did it, but I said yes. I said yes because I was scared to death not to. Because you see, the other one, #4, who I contacted,... well... I'm still seeing him. And I really like this guy. But after the boy I am really scared of being hurt. I mean the can't breathe-eyes glued shut-stomach in your feet-cold sweat scared. I guess we all are in a sense. But this is the first time in a long time that I have really liked someone. And holy cow, it is scary stuff, because you want to put your self out there but then again you feel like you have to be guarded and safe. I felt like I needed to keep my options open in case #4 didn't work out. But after a sleepless night I realized that if I did really like #4 then I had to give it a chance without any distractions. And I do like him, so much, so I told #3 that I had to cancel, and that I couldn't see him for a second date, and I explained why. I felt bad...he's a really nice guy. And he responded back very nicely ...unlike someone else!
  

So we'll see. I am opening myself up, no back up plan, no back up man. I feel like my last relationship was so completely fucked up that anything that even slightly resembles normal is fantastic. But I'm definitely still playing goalie...

So for now I'm not responding to any more Match responses. But I still have a few stories to share. I just won't have any new ones for a while (...hell, I hope!). Seriously, what am I gonna talk about in the Wed. night Stripper Strength class...lol. But I still have a few old stories to share. Oh yeah, recently got an email from Simon. Can't wait to tell you about that one.

The lights in the dressing room at Victoria's Secret make me want to kill myself

So the other day I popped over to VS to pick up a little hot something. I was reminded again of how much they suck now. When it comes to moderately priced sexy/risque lingerie, Frederick's blows VS out of the water, and then drags them down the beach 20 miles. I mean really. Now don't me wrong, for well made expensive lingerie, neither one of these places do the job. But lets say I don't want to pay 100 bucks for a bra, or 10 for that matter, then this is the place.

So, I find a few things that weren't grandma bland, which happen to be from the Intimissimi line, which is an Italian line that doesn't even belong to VS. I wait in line listening to the clerks discuss their monotonous jobs of restocking. BTW, I always hate this part because I have underwear in my hand and I don't want the lady to look at me with that you sick bitch look and say, "You know you can't try those on." I mean, I know I can't. I feel like, why would I? But I also don't want to look like the lady who wants to try them on...maybe it's just me. So I separate the two bras from my stack and hold them out as she approaches as to say, just these, I don't want to try these panties on, I'm not crazy....Realizing as I'm shaking two bras at the clerk, I look a little crazy.

Of course she doesn't say a word, just shuffles me in the room. Cool. Their rooms are quite large, which I like. Nothing like being cramped when your trying to pull off your jeans that have become stuck to your body in the NY city street humidifier. Now even though the Intimissi line is good, the hangers are quite retarded. The hooks are just big enough to hang on your pinkie so I can't even hang the things up. I fluff my hair and then disrobe.

ICK!

Is this really what I look like? I turn, suck in, lean back. Holy cow, I am never eating bread again.

Ever.

I was so disgusted I wanted to throw on my top and run away, but I persevered. I stepped closer to the mirror, then further away, then to the right, to the left. Dammit!

I found one thing I liked and split. The feeling of disgust lingered as I left. As I waited to cross the street I spotted a Mr. Softy truck. WTF, if I look that bad, might as well have a fucking ice cream.

In my despair I decided to spend some more money. Retail therapy. I popped in to Filenes because we are in desperate need of more drinking glasses at my house. On my way up I saw the cutest blue top. I SO didn't want to try it on, but I forced my self. These dressing rooms were nasty. Small, doors were loud and squeaky, trash on the floor. But that fluorescent lighting made me look like Giselle herself compared to how I looked not 20 minutes before. Go figure.

So if you lighting designers at VS are reading this, you seriously need a redesign.

Next time I am ordering VS online.

Lap dancing in the club vs. lap dancing at home.

So, as you know I was a dancer for a decade. In that time, I only did a handful of bachelor parties, most of my work was at an actual club. Now, I teach women how to dance for their man in their own homes/hotels etc. Knowing that this would be different we did some research in the beginning on how dances would translate when you were using a couch, arm chair, bed etc. But this was 2 girls doing research. It wasn't 2 lovers experimenting. And recently I just realized it really is sooo much easier in a club.

You see I just had the opportunity to do an in-home dance for a guy, and it was much harder than I thought. I was trying to think of the last time I danced for a guy outside of work and I believe it was about 10 yrs ago. Most of the guys I dated actually went to see me work in the club and had dances there. And after I retired, I was mainly with one person who had seen me dance a million times, so it just wasn't something I did for him. And the other guys I dated, well, I didn't offer and they didn't ask. But recently the guy I'm seeing asked me to dance for him. My first thought was oh shit, I am so out of practice! Dancing in a studio or teaching a woman how to dance is much different that performing. Especially when you really like the person.



The first time was very short but the last time there was an actual full song or 2. In those few songs I learned a thing or two. First of all, I tell all you gals that carpet is bad, and I fully stand by that. It is sooo hard to balance in the stripper shoes on carpet. Secondly, in the club every chair is the same, so it is easy to maneuver your props, like the extra chair, the table etc. You know exactly how to lean, where to prop up your foot, etc. So here is some advice. If you are really planning to dance for your man, try to do a dress rehearsal with your best girlfriend. Let her sit where he would sit so you can experience what it really is like. Preparation really is key, from where you dance, to costume, to music. It really does make a difference. Mine was impromptu, but I know I could have rocked it better with a little prep. I also stand by the fact that arm chairs are the best, but a couch is ok if that is your only option. And my God, it is really hard to make him keep his hands to himself. Dammit! In the club it is easy as pie, they will get kicked out if they touch you, but in the privacy of your own bedroom, there are no bouncers, and you want him to touch you. So yeah, by far the hardest thing. We have mentioned tying up your man to do your dance. This might actually be a really good option. But I have to say, it was much hotter, for me anyway, than any dance I ever did in the club for someone I was seeing.



So, the dance was very steamy and definitely a turn on, for both of us. In class I always say, "And the last thing you do, at the end of your dance is....have hot sex!" And yeah, I still stand by that.. 100%.

Dating advice from a single guy.

So this guy has a lot of dating advice...esp for those onliners.

http://www.advicefromasingledatingexpert.com/

He says some interesting things, especially about the "trading up" phenom that happens with online dating, also how its easier for girls. His readers also have some good advice as well.

By the way, Match goddamn auto-renewed me. Bastards. I feel like I should show you gals some of these replies I get ... I mean they are bad. OK, this is my favorite recent one. Keep in mind I actually state that I own my own business teaching striptease on my profile.

Hi,
I saw your profile and was very interested in getting to know you. So how are you doing? Are you enjoying the weather? I see that you're an active person; do you like to dance Latin music or travel to Latin America? Born/growing up in New York, I first learned Spanish from my parents at home and English as soon as I went to kindergarten.
Wow, you run your own PR business! You know I worked my senior year in college as an office assistant in a PR firm. I did office work part time, my major was finance and investments.
What else can I tell you about myself? Ok, I work for an Investment Bank in Wall Street and live in Manhattan. I like to go out with friends, mainly lounges but once in a while I'll hit the dance floor. Also, I enjoy working out and bike riding around the city to keep fit. If you would you like to chat and learn more about me, then write me back.
Later,

Hmmm, my own PR business...yeah.