Part Two of LA craigslist stripper rant..
21) Hey cheap-asses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to reruns of "I love Genie" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry. ** Second fastest way to send a stripper away. Say, "hey can I have a 2 for one dance"
22) Stop asking me why I do this job and get all analytical on me. For the MONEY you moron, that's why. Duh. **I stripped to find the man of my dreams...HAHAHA!!!
23) No seriously, my real name is Vixen Blue. ** Why do you need to know my real name . You want to break me down, reeeeally get to know me? OK, the real me thinks you suck ....
24) NO, I will not take a dime sac of weed for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you sick mutherfucker! *** Hahaha. This never happened to me, but I did get guys who wanted to write me a check...This ain't the A&P honey.
25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl with the overbite and the black roots over there by the bar. ***Lol..Funny though, the pretty girls usually were the naughtier ones. We just said, I dont do that honey, come back during the day shift.
26) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay. **yeah...not OK.
27) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me. **oh boy, I love this gal. My favorite was guys who said let's wait for a long song. I wanted to say ok, lets wait till you cash your 401K.
28) Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more. ** I once had a guy come in every week and up his offer by a grand. Really you wan to fuck me THAT bad? It was good for my ego anyway.
29) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. DO. NOT. ** But then no one would come in. ....
30) I don't care if you're cute and/or Brad Pitt's stunt double. I do not give free lapdances. Cute don't pay the rent. ** This is why I hated when celebrities or semi-celebrities would come in. Sometimes the ones with the most money were the cheapest. They wanted free dances. Like I would be honored to dance for them. I don't give a f**k who you play football for, pay me.
31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around a pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy. **Eww...I am glad I never experienced that one, but ladies..here's a tip. When you come to the club to get a dance, just know if you can smell yourself..so can we..... ( i know, i know, i shouldn't say it, but that's awful!)
32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't quite know all the words. ***YES!!!!! I talk about this in my classes
33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platforms a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size. *Another thing I discuss in my classes. New shoes or shoe pads glued in the shoe. :)
34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. **Hey.... I like Angel.
35) Hey DJ! You suck! **And I loved my DJs. They were always like a partner in crime. :) And the booth was always a safe haven from the assholes in the club.
36) Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking smurf on your ass is lame. **That's kinda funny...
37) Girls--some songs should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are), Sade, Bjork, or Aaron Carter. PLEASE. **Whats wrong with Sade? I hated country music, but that's just me. But yeah , musicals..come 'on...
Thanks for listening. Vixen Blue